Hoping For Heaven

by Without Eve

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05:13
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credits

released 07 October 2012

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Track Name: The Day It Rains
I don't want to die
I just want to sleep forever
I've got a dark sense of humor
But a darker sense of pain
If I'm to burn in the sunlight
I'd rather drown in the rain

I've got a girl who says she loves me
But I don't care if she does
Because it’s easier to settle for despair than to love
But we're going out for dinner
Where we'll feast on ourselves
And talk about whatever makes us feel like we're well

And If she can make me feel so bad, then maybe I was never meant to feel okay
And if she can hold her thoughts inside, then maybe I can hole up til the day it rains

Because the pain is not yours until you give it a name
And I have called mine on the telephone every single day
And it tells me to be free

In a hospice no one hears you
When you say you want to live
Until you dress up in the bedsheets
Like a ghost who can’t forgive
If I’m to die tonight, they’d better dress me up in white
And let me sing

And the pills inside my body
Make me feel like I’m a temple
Where the hopeless come to worship
But they only find the devil
If I’m lucky all the times I used to pray
Will make him go away

And if that can make me feel all right, then maybe I was never meant to feel okay
And if he can hold himself inside, then maybe I can hole up til the day it rains

I’m angry at a force that
I cannot assign a face
Because it follows me through hallways
And every single place
That I think I have found peace
Is just another that I’m sure to forsake

Because the peace is not yours until you give it a place
And I have showed mine to the woman who gave me the pain
And she tells me to be free
I never will be free
Track Name: Hang A Cross
Hang a cross from the treasury
And never ask for more
Than you’re given

Look across at the factories
The prayers of the poor
This isn’t living

Is your god the only thing that you put your faith in
Is it not a greater sin to suffer than to give in

Work to eat and eat to work
To pay for your headstone
To mark your coffin

Look alive at least alert
You’re entering a dead zone
Corpses are walking

Is the dirt the only rest that you can be sure of
Does it hurt to close your eyes and let the lights be turned off

You work until you’re dead, but you’re not really living
Your work’s all meaningless, you craft a pot to spit in

Hang a cross from the treasury
And never ask for more
Than you’re given
Track Name: The King and the Killer
The king sat nestled in his chair
The queen sat, brushing her hair
The killer burst into the door with a knife

"Reach for the stars all you people
I’d rather shine than fade away
See, all takes to be happy
Is more than jewels on your head"

The queen’s hands shot into the air
The king just leaned back in his chair
He took his crown off and gave it to his wife

"Look to the stars, troubled killer
There is no king who rules in space
See, I’m not here to make you happy
And only you own your fate"

The killer dropped his knife and walked out
The king got up out of his throne
He stopped the killer in the doorway

"Look in my eyes, sorry sinner
Your are far better than this
My throne is inside this castle
But yours is inside your chest"

Reach for the stars all you people
I’d rather shine than fade away
See, all takes to be happy
Is more than jewels on your head
Track Name: Nothing Anymore
All conversation is useless and trite
So I tell myself just be glad you’re alive
But I’m not

Everyone tells me kid you’re mess
I try to smile and say what made you guess
I get that a lot

But I guess it means nothing anymore
But I guess it means nothing anymore

Fall on your knees if you’re scared of your god
If you don’t, then you’re brave but you’re easily lost
Look for signs of the cross

But I’ve burned every map and I’m not looking back
I’ve covered my ears and I’ve covered my tracks
If I won then who lost

But I guess it means nothing anymore
But I guess it means nothing anymore
But I guess it means nothing anymore
But I guess it means nothing anymore
Track Name: Up All Night
I have been up all night
I don't dream, I just count the lights
That hang above my tired head
But I would rather suffer
Than be dead
Track Name: Genie In A Bottle
Maybe I should just give in
Only now do I have fears of my own
Because I'm talking to my mother
And she knows that I have troubles
But I lie and say "it's all okay"

But I still have a genie in a bottle
He grants me wishes and I drown out his sorrows
In sad folk songs or magnums of whiskey
And all that I ask is that he never leave me

I searched for hours in deserts for water
With devils inside me all fighting for power
They hear the same sad stories that plague me
The oceans of cheap beer that stick in my throat like some unholy ether
And I've tried to stop the rain

But I still have a genie in a bottle
He grants me wishes and I drown out his sorrows
In sad folk songs or magnums of whiskey
And all that I ask is that he never leave me
Track Name: Death Rattle
I've watched the funeral dirges
Be drowned out by sorrows of someone
Who never once knew anyone who ever died
But I'm not so strong

I don't think I've ever loved someone enough
To weep when their bodies were buried
And maybe that's my fault
And maybe it's theirs

I've seen churches filled with people
And tissues and crying
They fill the steeple with vapor from tears
And the heat of their sorrow
But I stood alone

I'd rather cry at home than in the midst
Of those who suffer or claim to suffer
More than me
Maybe that's peace
Or maybe more suffering
And maybe I'm at peace
Or maybe just suffering

And the organ sounds like a death rattle
And the people line up like prodded cattle
They cry because they must to believe they exist
As something more than inevitable dust
So I cry with them
But it's not for my sins and it's nor theirs
And I don't ask for forgiveness from anyone but myself
Because my sorrow is something that only I can bear
And they're useless to me and I'm useless to them
What's a shoulder to cry on when you're drowning in sin
It means nothing
They all mean nothing
And I mean nothing
And maybe that means something
Track Name: Sitting On Doorsteps
In a mikvah of suffering
We're sitting on doorsteps
Of death
And we're ringing the bell

And hearing feet shuffle
With black cloaks and sickles
We're hoping for heaven
But expecting hell

Death comes in sports cars
Or golden wristwatches
All boxed up and lovely
Or simple and frightening

And you're always shaking
In hallways or bathrooms
The tile is cool and the lights always flickering

And you pray you don't suffer
But you're suffering already
Expecting a visit
From someone you live with

Your mind isn't ready
But your body is slipping

I think we're all slipping
But now you fear you sleeping
And all of the meaning
The dreams that you once had
Such trouble believing
Are rising with daylight
But you're not
Track Name: The Straw On My Back
I had no choice
My hands, my voice is raw
The fire in my soul
The straw on my back
Is more than I can hold

I'm tired and broken
My life's gone unspoken

I think that this is as good as life gets
I drag my joy from whiskey and cigarettes